I’ve been doing a lot of reading about religion lately. I was raised Catholic and at some point in high school really keyed into the hypocrisy of the Church, from Papal indulgences on down the line. Also, there is a part of the mass right before the sacrament of the Eucharist, that’s communion for the uninitiated, where the congregation says: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” Not worthy? I remember actually hearing that line for the first time after almost two decades of mindlessly mouthing the words and thinking, how can I not be worthy? We’re either “God’s children” or we’re not, right? Suffice it to say, my church going days were numbered.

Fast forward some years to my wedding. My husband and I, both Catholic, decided not to get married in the Church. You see, when you get married in the Catholic Church, you have to attend Pre-Cana classes. The name comes from Jesus’ first public miracle, turning water into wine at a wedding in Cana. It’s a weekend retreat for young Catholic couples where you spend some time really digging in and asking each other important questions about the rest of your life, kind of like pre-wedding couple’s counseling. Not a bad idea for any two people getting ready to make a lifetime commitment.

Here’s the thing, part of Catholic doctrine involves children and birth control. You’re supposed to be open to the possibility of children whenever God sees fit to give them to you. (What with all the poverty and war going on in the world, God’s got a lot of time to worry about your uterus, but I digress.) You’re also supposed to commit to raising your gaggle of children in the faith. Now, my parents have invested me with some pretty upstanding values, and I have no trouble acknowledging that many of these values came from the Church. Something I value deeply is my word – so you might see why I was not interested in starting the rest of my life making promises I had no intention of keeping.

A small s#@*storm promptly ensued from all sides of our families including some letter writing with a family member who was advised that she should not even attend a wedding that was not going to be sanctioned by the church. This forced my to really think about my position on god/faith/spirituality, what I really believe, and that I really believe in something.